Is Your Mindset Sabotaging Your Relationships?
Clarity Questions to unearth hidden resentments
Unearthing The Root of Resentments
Before leaning into gratitude (that’s on Thursday!) let’s unearth any resentments and negativity hiding in your love life.
“Dating in Nashville sucks,” my client Matt lamented to me.
My response: “Yes, I guess it will for you—you have left no other possibility.”
He looked at me, slightly perplexed.
“You’ve already decided the outcome,” I added.
Whether you want to call it The Law of Attraction or give credit to the Reticular Activating System (RAS) in your brain, you co-create your reality.
We don’t see the world as it is—we see it through who we are.
Constantly magnetizing towards yourself the thoughts and feelings you give the most attention, dancing in the vibration you set.
Your RAS is hard at work, filtering your environment for what you are looking for, so you don’t get overwhelmed with information.
By stating that dating in Nashville sucks, Matt told his RAS to look for ways to confirm his belief (our brains want us to be right). When you hold a strong belief, your brain looks for information in your environment to support it.
Negative beliefs limit the realm of possibility.
Even if Matt had met a great woman, because of his limiting belief, he would likely hyper-fixate on something minor that he didn’t like about her to confirm his beliefs about dating as true.
We do this ALL the time—create exactly what we don’t want to experience through our negative thoughts.
“This meeting is going to be boring.”
“I’m going to be so tired today.”
“It’s going to be a battle.”
And then all the pieces fall into place for us to experience MORE of the emotions and situations we want to avoid. Resentment builds, and we find ourselves bathing in the swampy stench of negativity. Smothered and covered, we bring our negative mindset into other areas of our lives, allowing the stench to dictate our outlook.
The antidote? Gratitude.
Gratitude opens your world up to possibility. In the next post, I’m going to break down how to create a simple and effective gratitude practice, but first, let’s wash off the resentment swamp
Complete the Clarity Questions below to begin unearthing any hidden resentments.
Clarity Questions:
How have I been talking (positively, negatively, celebrating, complaining, etc.) about my relationship/dating life?
What recurring negative thoughts do I have about my relationship/dating life?
How has the way I talk and think about my relationship/dating life influenced my outlook? Am I optimistic or pessimistic about the future?
Who do I blame for any negative thoughts/beliefs I have about relationships (exes, parents, society, etc.)?
What do I get out of by blaming others?
How could my relationship/dating life change if I were open to forgiving this person(s)?
How could my relationship/dating life change if I were open to the possibility that it could be fulfilling?
Take your time with these questions, resentment are tricky. A cue you may be on to soemthing—you start blaming or getting defensive.
Want to go deeper?
Check out this week’s Relearn Relationships podcast episode on Gratitude: HERE
Or book a private session with me and I will guide you through uncovering any hidden resenments. Book HERE.
I want to hear from you!
Comment below or (if you are reading this from your email) click reply and share with me what you learned from the clarity questions.
Good points, thank you. Admittedly I’m part of the jaded camp after a LOT of dating effort in LA. I’ve taken an extended break from apps and dating in general (pretty tough to meet women if not on apps or willing to spend $10k+ on a LaLa land matchmaker). It got to a point w/the apps I was letting it affect my emotional health. Even at my age (55) the antics shown on apps can be crazy.