Transforming Attachment: From Past Patterns to Future Possibilities
Clarity Questions to unpack how you attach in relationships
A little attachment theory humor for you…
Reminder you don’t have to keep everything your parents give/gave you, including:
The furniture you don’t like
Photos (scan those)
Boxes of memorabilia from your childhood (personal reminder to go through mine)
Your baby teeth (why did they save these?!)
Beliefs
Attachment Style
Etc.
The post you're reading pairs with this week’s episode of the Relearn Relationships Podcast. Listen to it: HERE
Like it or not, your early experiences are influencing your relationships—particularly how you allow (or don’t allow) yourself to connect and lean on a romantic partner.
By unpacking your past, you’ll begin to see patterns of behavior that you’ve carried for decades.
It’s never about blaming your parents/primary caregivers—that will not help.
You cannot go back and change the past. As my dad so eloquently says, “The past is like your ass—it’s behind you.”
Dwelling on the woulds, coulds, and shoulds is a recipe for depression.
Instead, use the past to inform the future—not as a crutch but as a catalyst for your growth.
You have agency over today.
As you go through these questions, I encourage you to take a few moments to ground yourself (through breathing or meditation) and set the intention of looking at your past with compassion—for yourself and for the people who raised you.
Clarity Questions:
How did my parents/caregivers respond to my emotional needs as a child?
How do I usually feel in romantic relationships—secure, anxious, avoidant, or fearful?
When conflict arises, do I seek closeness, try to resolve it quickly, or withdraw?
How comfortable am I with relying on others? Do I feel I have to handle everything on my own?
Am I comfortable being emotionally vulnerable with people, or do I tend to keep my guard up?
Want to go deeper?
Book a private session with me to explore where you are on the attachment continuum and how to move toward security. Book HERE.
I want to hear from you!
Comment below or (if you are reading this from your email) click reply and share what you learned from the clarity questions.