Supervillain or Sweetheart? Why You and Your Partner Keep Misunderstanding Each Other
Clarity Questions
What are you fighting about?
Have you been in a heated argument, only to realize later that you and your partner were fighting about different things?
It happens.
Often, the culprit is what therapist/author Terry Real calls a "CNI" – a core negative image. It’s like turning your partner into a supervillain in your mind.
In conflict, that image takes over. We assume we know their…
thoughts
feelings
intentions
…and stop asking questions, allowing misunderstandings to creep in.
It works the other way too. We expect our partners to read our minds, assuming they just know what we mean.
Without clarity, we stay stuck in the drama instead of finding solutions.
The antidote? Curiosity.
When we ask questions, seek clarity, and truly listen, curiosity breaks the cycle of assumptions and opens the door to connection.
Try it—and watch your relationship shift.
The post you're reading tandems with this week’s episode of the Relearn Relationships Podcast.
Listen: HERE
Clarity Questions:
These questions are framed for romantic relationships if you are single, answer these in the context of a previous or platonic relationship.
When you notice misunderstandings in your relationships, how do you typically address them? Do you try to clarify what was said, or do you jump to conclusions?
When you picture the worst version of your partner (CNI) in your mind, how much actual evidence supports that image as true?
Are you honestly allowing your partner the space to grow and change, or are you holding onto old assumptions about them? How could you approach their growth with curiosity instead of judgment?
When was the last time you asked for clarification in a conversation to ensure you understood your partner's needs or concerns? How might this impact your communication moving forward?
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