Stop Gaslighting Yourself with Forced Gratitude: Do THIS Simple Practice Instead
Action Steps for allowing healing to happen
What if I’m not grateful?
DO NOT make a list of things you should be grateful for.
You’re gaslighting yourself—telling yourself you think or feel something that’s not true. Instead, explore the why behind your lack of gratitude—without self-judgment.
Don’t appreciate your partner?
Have beef with someone you care about?
Or someone you don’t?
Below I’m sharing my favorite action step to address it.
Drop the shame
Shaming yourself into gratitude doesn’t work.
If you’re frustrated, angry, or bitter in a relationship, pretending to be thankful is just as harmful as leaning on positivity while grieving.
You’re not addressing the root cause—you’re just putting a bandaid on the pain.
If you want to change your perspective or attitude toward someone (or something), you need to understand why you feel the way you do in the first place.
You can do this through a simple WHY practice.
Write down how you feel when you think about this person.
Ask yourself: Why do I feel (emotion)?
Write down the first thing that comes to mind.
Ask yourself why again.
Repeat this process for at least 11 whys, and you’ll start uncovering the answer.
Understanding what has infected your relationships is the first step in treating the wound. Get clear on what you’re upset about. Once you have clarity, ask yourself these three questions:
Can I let go of this?
Do I need to forgive?
Do I need to explore it deeper?
If you can let it go, do it. Releasing creates space for something better.
If you need to forgive, get clear on what that looks like for you. It might involve having a conversation, journaling, or writing a letter to the person (that you don’t send—because the process is for you).
If you need to go deeper, book a Walk + Talk session with me, and we’ll dive in together. (email lilly@lillyrachels.com to book)
If you just got here, hello! I’m so glad you joined! You can listen to THIS podcast and read THIS post to get caught up!
Action Steps:
Say a prayer.
One of my favorite practices for moving through hurt, bitterness, anger, or frustration toward someone is prayer.
Every time the person crosses your mind—say a short, simple prayer.
Here are some prayers I’ve used:
“God, please help me let go of _____.”
“I wish you well, and I pray you find peace.”
“God, please let them experience your love.”
Trust me, if you do this every time they cross your mind, you will:
Stop thinking of them as much.
Shift your view of them from contentious to compassionate.
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