Are You Protecting Your Heart at the Cost of Love?
Clarity Questions to open your heart
You have to be open to let support in
Intimacy can’t grow in a closed heart.
Years ago, I was in a relationship that was easy. We got along and had fun together. But deep down, I felt disconnected and unsupported.
At first, I blamed my partner, assuming he was emotionally unavailable and couldn’t go deep with me.
It’s a lot easier to find fault in someone else instead of looking at yourself.
Thankfully, I did look at myself. It turns out I was emotionally unavailable.
Harboring pain from a prior relationship and untreated wounds from early childhood experiences, I held tightly to my independence and protected my heart.
At that point in my life, I believed that if I didn’t let anyone in, I could never be hurt.
We are pack animals wired for connection. In my desperate attempt to keep myself safe, I did the opposite—I cut myself off from the connection I craved.
You can only receive what you're open to. If you desire intimacy and support, you have to be willing to risk vulnerability and the possibility of being hurt.
Love is a worthy risk.
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable. - C.S. Lewis
The post you're reading tandems with this week’s episode of the Relearn Relationships Podcast.
Listen: HERE
Clarity Questions:
These questions are framed for platonic or romantic relationships if you are single, answer these in the context of a previous or platonic relationship.
What shields or patterns of protection might I be using to avoid vulnerability in my relationships?
When was the last time I allowed myself to truly lean on someone for support? How did it feel?
Are there relationships in my life where I desire deeper connection but hold back from sharing my true feelings? Why?
How has my upbringing influenced my ability to trust and open up to others?
What small step can I take today to show vulnerability in a safe and meaningful way with someone I care about?
The holidays don’t have to feel overwhelming
Join the 31-Day Gratitude & Meditation Challenge and make space for peace, even during the busiest time of year. With simple daily practices, you’ll quiet the stress, ground yourself, and reconnect with what truly matters.
This is for you if:
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This is your chance to hit pause and breathe—no pressure, no perfection. Just small, meaningful steps to feel more grounded, grateful, and present.
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