How to Love Doggie Style

Living with an open heart

No, it’s not what you think…start reading.

The Love of a Dog

I’ve been writing online for some time, but nothing I’ve ever written has received as much support as my post about saying goodbye to my dog, Arco. His story broke my typical analytics.

It’s been just over a month since he left this world, and I recently shared on Substack Notes about a wave of grief I experienced. Love poured in. I think many can relate to the love of a dog—it’s special.

In the comments, I told a reader, “I think God gave us dogs to teach us how to love.” She replied, referring to this love as “Doggie Style!” It was exactly the comedic relief I needed.

The idea got me thinking: What would it take for humans to love like a dog?

What is it about a dog’s love that makes it so sweet and real? As I contemplated this, one thing jumped out at me—dogs love with an open heart.

Core Wounds

As we walk through life and begin to experience separation from love, we develop core wounds, deep fears, and limiting beliefs about love.

In an effort to protect ourselves, we put up barriers around our hearts.

After getting divorced, I did just that. I decided I would never get hurt again. To ensure this, I wrapped my heart in metaphorical barbed wire.

By separating myself from love, I thought I was preventing heartbreak.

What followed was an emotionally shallow relationship on my part. This felt torturous for someone who likes to swim in the deep end—but at least my heart was “safe.”

It wasn’t until years later, in a different relationship, that I started to see the havoc my attempt at self-protection had caused.

I began to notice that when someone inquired about my relationship, I would say things like:

• “We’ve been dating for a year.” (Even though we were in a monogamous relationship.)

• “We’ll see what happens.” (Even though I wanted this to be a long-term relationship.)

• “You never really know.” (While technically true, I did know what I wanted—I was just afraid to say it out loud.)

My responses were meant to sound like I was detached and going with the flow, but in reality, I was VERY attached—to protecting myself from the threat of a broken heart.

My heart was closed.

How Does This Relate to Dogs?

Now, back to our four-legged friends.

I’ve had many dogs in my life—21 at last count—so I feel I can speak to the love of a dog with some authority or at least personal experience.

Many of the dogs we rescued came from incredibly abusive situations—the kind of stories that make you doubt humanity. Yet, despite everything each dog had been through, they were still open to love.

Even the dogs who had experienced trauma returned to love once they were in a loving home.

For Humans, It’s More Complicated

We hold onto our stories and often make trauma a part of our identity.

This is not to discount anything that has happened to you. Trauma is very real, and many times, we need professional support to truly detach from it. (I’ve used this resource myself.)

But what I see so often—and have done—is white-knuckle my past as if it’s attached to me.

Making my past pain part of my personality.

Detaching from Past Pains

A few months ago, I went to get a massage. As I described the pain in my shoulder, my friend and massage therapist, Lori, said, “Won’t it be great when this isn’t a problem anymore.”

Lightbulb moment.

I had never considered a timeline where I was pain-free in that shoulder. I have scar tissue as a result of physical trauma to that spot. The pain has been with me for years. Lori had just given me a gift—she expanded my realm of possibility for how my body could physically feel.

It’s the same when it comes to heartbreak and trauma.

There is a timeline where past experiences don’t have to be part of your identity or affect your love life.

You can live with an open heart despite past heartbreaks.

In relationships, this looks like not holding old hurts against new loves—not holding back your heart out of fear.

True detachment is loving doggie style. Just like our fur babies, we can embrace love even if our past wasn’t loving.

Detachment lets us approach our relationships with clear eyes, not eyes clouded by old wounds.

Feel to Heal

If you’re ready to do this, I’d love to help.

I have a few ways to support you. First, download my Feel to Heal Starter Kit—a free guide and meditation to help you release and experience your emotions.

The other way is to book a walk-and-talk session with me. In these sessions, we’ll get to the root cause of your pain, break patterns of protection, and create new patterns of connection so you can let love in and live with an open heart.

Email support@lillyrachels.com for a link to book and get your first session for $99 (60% discount).

Let’s make 2025 the year you LOVE like a dog.