Forget About Your Soulmate: Here’s What to Do Instead
Action Steps to access safety in your body
I just want to meet my soulmate
I hear this a lot.
I’m going to get right to it: your soulmate doesn’t exist.
There are 8.2 billion people on the planet—and you could have a fantastic relationship with many of them.
Your problem isn’t finding the right person, and you don’t need to call in "the one."
Your problem is the patterns you’re holding onto from childhood that push away potential partners when you start to get close.
When you grow up in chaos or instability, healthy connection feels dangerous.
Even boring.
So you strap into the rollercoaster ride of love and get addicted to the dopamine hit of on-again, off-again relationships.
If instability is your baseline, you’ve likely settled for relationships that leave you walking on eggshells, feeling insecure, or believing the opposite sex is evil.
I want to help you change that.
Instead of...
having an astrologer draw a picture of your potential man (I’ve seen this on Instagram),
or allowing yourself to become closed off and hopeless because a YouTuber told you women only see you as “success objects,”
Start untying the ropes that are keeping you harbored in the port of protection and sail the seas of connection.
You can swipe and complain that there are “no good men”
Go your own way and live a life of isolation because “women suck”
OR
You can confront the patterns that attract low-value partners and perpetuate your loneliness.
Ready to start? Keep reading.
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Creating security within
Humans need safety.
Right after having our basic needs for shelter, food, and water met, we crave security.
If, as a child, you had neglectful or inconsistent parents/caregivers, you will lean more anxious or avoidant on the attachment spectrum, making relationships frustrating and fragile.
When you live outside of security, you sabotage healthy relationships because they feel foreign.
The first step in moving toward security is understanding what safety feels like in your physical body.
When you can access safety within yourself and recognize when you experience it with another person—you will be attracted to healthly connection.
Action Steps:
Complete the exercise below to access safety in your body
Repeat this practice everyday for (at least) two weeks
Grounded Connection: A Step-by-Step Guide to Accessing Safety in Your Body
1. Find a Quiet Space
Sit or lie down in a comfortable, quiet place where you won’t be disturbed.
Make sure your surroundings feel calm, and you have some time to focus on yourself.
2. Ground Yourself
Start by feeling your connection to the ground. If you’re sitting, feel your feet on the floor and your body in the chair. If you’re lying down, notice the points where your body touches the surface.
Take a few deep breaths, inhaling slowly through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. This helps bring your awareness to the present moment.
3. Scan Your Body
Slowly bring your attention to different parts of your body. Start with your feet and move upward, noticing any tension, discomfort, or areas where you feel disconnected.
Don't try to change anything yet—just observe how each part of your body feels.
4. Regulate Your Breathing
Focus on your breath. Begin to breathe deeply and steadily, slowing your inhale and exhale.
As you breathe in, imagine that you're drawing in calmness and safety.
As you exhale, release any tension or stress you’re holding.
5. Soothing Touch
Place a hand over your heart or on your stomach. This gentle touch signals safety and self-compassion to your nervous system.
Feel the warmth and gentle pressure of your hand as you continue breathing deeply.
6. Name What Feels Safe
As you breathe and focus on your body, mentally acknowledge sensations of comfort or ease, no matter how small.
You might say to yourself, “I feel warmth in my chest,” or “I notice the softness of my breath.”
This simple act of naming the sensations begins to reinforce the feeling of safety.
7. Anchor in the Present Moment
Use grounding statements like “I am safe right now” or “I am here, and I am okay.”
If you feel anxiety or tension rising, focus again on the points of contact between your body and the ground or chair. Feel supported by the earth beneath you.
8. Visualize Safety
Picture a place where you feel completely safe—this could be a real location or one from your imagination.
Imagine yourself in that place, surrounded by comfort and peace. Let this image fill your body with a sense of security.
9. Notice the Shift
Take a moment to notice any shift in your body—whether it’s your breathing slowing, your muscles softening, or a sense of calm spreading.
Stay with this feeling of safety for as long as you need. Let it expand and deepen with each breath.
10. Repeat Regularly
The more often you practice this, the easier it will become to access a sense of safety in your body. Try to incorporate it into your daily routine, especially during times of stress or disconnection.
Optional: Practice Gentle Movement
After you feel more connected to safety, you might want to introduce gentle movements like rolling your shoulders, stretching your arms, or shifting your position. Notice how your body responds to this movement while maintaining the sense of safety.
If you just got here, hello! I’m so glad you joined! You can listen to THIS podcast and read THIS post to get caught up on the attachment conversation.
I want to hear from you! Did you try the exercise? What did you notice?